What do I want?

He looked me in my eye with sincere curiosity and said, "What do you want?"

I had a hard time articulating exactly what I wanted. I know in my heart what I want, but for some reason the words don't come easily to me. I know that I'm not looking for a relationship but I do want him. I just want to be able to consider the future possibility and work toward getting to know more about him and where he comes from.

This is funny because right now society is telling me that I should be in "production mode". As a 28 year old woman, I am supposed to be searching for my husband and preparing myself to start making babies, getting ready to find that house in the suburbs. I'm not ready for all of that. What I am ready for is the possibility for love, unconditionally.

Now that's not very easy to find so I decided not to look for it. I figured that I would focus on myself and building my career. I figured that since I couldn't actively control love, I would just make myself open to the possibility of it and let it run it's course.

I don't know if that was the best decision because it hasn't prevented me from getting hurt but it has made me feel more comfortable with the things that I have done because I know that I'm doing them with a pure heart.