Change and loss

Well this has been an interesting year for me so far. The debauchery that I was hoping for has not materialized, however it has been a productive year for work. I just finished shooting the second season of Hell Date. I created a new blog called www.cluelessfashionista.com

Early this year I realized that I was ready to make some major changes in my life. One of those changes was being ready for a relationship but it has been slow going on that front. I figured out a long time ago that I can't control people but I can control my attitude towards them. I am working on being more open towards guys that I meet and am interested in. It didn't work out so well recently but I digress. I invited someone to be a part of my year of debauchery and he couldn't step up to the plate. His loss.

Something else I have had to deal with a lot this year is loss. Earlier this year, my grandfather passed away. He had been battling pancreatic cancer for a while and he couldn't keep fighting. I'm glad he's out of pain but I do miss him a lot. I also lost two of my high school classmates. One was a guy that was my basketball player when I was a cheerleader. When I was in high school, the cheerleaders were assigned a player during the season. We would decorate their lockers before the games and bring them donuts. As a basketball cheerleader, I had a girl basketball player and a guy basketball player. The second guy that passed away was a guy that I knew from around. He was a popular guy that I didn't really know knew who I was until one day after he had graduated (he was a year older than me), he saw me and spoke to me. He was cool ever since them. We even talked on myspace recently. It was sad when these guys died because they were so young and had so much of their lives ahead of them.

I've also had to deal with loss through my friends. One of my oldest friends lost her brother to a senseless act of violence very recently. One of my close friends lost her father as well. Although I didn't have direct relationships with their family members, I still feel their loss.

With all of this loss going on around me, I am realizing that I need to make every moment of my life count. I shouldn't sit on my heels and wait for someone to give me permission to do what makes me most happy. Neither should anyone else.

FB vs. FWB vs. Dating

The other day I was talking to a good friend of mine. We were discussing her situation with this guy she's been seeing off and on for the past year or so. She had decided that maybe their situation wasn't progressing the way she would have liked so she was going to separate herself from him. Now as we all know, when you're dealing with someone, it can often take a couple of tries before you can completely walk away.

As we discussed their situation, it became very clear to me that what she hoped was a FB situation was more of a FWB situation. Ok, let me stop here and define some things for you.

FB: Fuck buddy-someone that you deal with on only a physical level. You are free to date people when in this situation.
FWB: Friend with Benefits-someone you hang out with and are friends with but every time you are together, things will get physical. You can date people in this situation.
Dating: When two people have a mutual interest in each other and getting to know more about each other. There can be a physical aspect or not. You may or may not be free to date other people, depending on the agreement you have with the other person.

Definitions over.

Well while talking to my friend, I realized that many people get these three situations confused and that often leads to issues between the sexes. There is definitely some overlap and gray area involved but if you are totally honest with yourself about your situation, you will figure out what you're involved in.

First clue, if you're calling it a situation, you aren't dating.

Determination and resilience

Last Friday on July 4, I jogged the entire 6.2 miles of the 39th annual Peachtree Road Race held here in Atlanta. I think this is my 5th or 6th year participating in the race, however last year I was only able to complete 3.2 miles of the race. Now there are some people who can't even jog a mile so I won't belittle my ability to jog the 3.2 miles last year but each year that I participate in the Peachtree Road Race, I go in with the desire to jog the entire thing. Well this year, I did it! I was proud of myself because in spite of my extremely busy schedule, I managed to train well for the race.

I joined a gym where I've been taking kickboxing and this class called fast track at least twice a week and I jog twice a week. I feel better and I'm toning up nicely. Earlier this year, I made a decision to be healthier. Although I want to lose weight, I'm not focusing on the weight loss aspect. I'm focusing on eating better and being more active. It's been going well and I plan on keeping it up. I realize that being busy is not an excuse for being unhealthy. Besides, if you make exercise a part of your schedule, you won't' be too busy to do it.