Today is the day! adventures in prettyville continued...

Well today is the day. I am headed over to a modeling agency after I get off of work to take some snapshots. I'm quite curious as to how it will turn out. I feel pretty cute today so that should definitely translate through the camera. This could be another venture for me to get into. It would be pretty cool to be working as a model. I've always had an interest in fashion and with my newfound interest in being in front of the camera, this is a great way to learn more about that side of the fashion industry. It's cool how this experience could lead to making me a better producer overall.

Well I will keep you posted about how things go. Wish me luck!

You want me to do what?!?!

The other day I was talking to this guy I know. He is an attractive guy with a couple of different companies doing his thing. I had to know why he was single. Of course he said it was by choice. He told me that he wasn't really looking for a relationship right now. So I asked him whether he had a shortage of female companionship.

"Oh no!" was his reply. He said that he likes to have fun and if a woman understands that then it's all cool. Now I couldn't help but respect him for that because I've run across quite a few guys who feel the same way but they don't have the balls to come right out and say it.

Now this is what got me.

Within the same conversation he asked me if I liked to cook. I hesitated because I've found that many guys (especially here in the South) use that as a judgment type question. I tend to be negatively judged because I'm not the domestic type and I don't have a problem saying that. There's no need for me to pretend to be something I'm not. Now don't get me wrong, I will take care of the people in my life (just ask anyone close to me) but I'm not the woman eagerly waiting for her husband and kids to cook for and clean up after.

So when he asked me about my cooking skills, my first thought was WTF? You want to know if I would cook a meal for you right after you just said that you only want to offer a woman "fun" because you don't have time for much else.

How is it that he could do that with a straight face? The double standard in that statement alone was interesting to me. In one instance you can't help but appreciate his honesty and in another you can't help but be a little unnerved at his nerve.

It's so crazy to me...

master cleanse!

All I can say about that is Ugh!

I attempted to cleanse my body and prepare it for better eating by using the Master Cleanse. It's an old concept that Beyonce just recently made famous. She did it for 10 days and lost 20 pounds before she did Dreamgirls, which is why she looked so skinny. Well I decided to do it as a way to cleanse my system. I only planned to do it for 5 days.

Well last weekend I bought all of the necessary ingredients: lemons, grade B maple syrup, water, cayenne pepper and an herbal tea with senna in it. I planned on doing it this weekend.

Last night I mixed all of the ingredients together per the instructions. I tasted a small amount of it and although it tasted bad, I figured I could deal with it. I made myself a cup of the tea and went off to bed, hungry.

When I woke up this morning, I was ready to go forward with my cleanse. I went to the kitchen and got one of my bottles of the concoction to start drinking. The stuff tasted much worse than I remembered. I figured I could make it work so I kept drinking it. The more I drank, the worse I felt. It made me sick to my stomach after only drinking a little so I decided to abort the cleanse.

I poured all of that crap down the sink and got me some fruit to eat. I will rembark on my master cleanse experience again in the near future but with some modifications. I will tell that tale when the time comes. Right now I guess I will just work out over the weekend to prep for my foray into plus modeling.

Adventures in prettyville

Well I am about to start on a new adventure. I've always been interested in being in front of the camera. I've debated about trying either acting or modeling. Well I have been doing some research on plus modeling and I think I could be a good candidate for commercial/catalog plus modeling. Standing at 5'5 with no shoes on, I don't fit the qualifications for a high fashion plus model but I could still shoot for other work. So, next Wednesday I'm going to an agency that's currently looking for plus models to take some snapshots.

Wish me luck.

I've always thought it would be fun to enter into modeling but I would much rather have an agent to work with rather than doing it on my own. I will be keeping you guys posted on how things go. Let's hope that next Wednesday isn't my first and last foray into the world of plus modeling.

I can do it.

Education is key...

The more I work in the industry of music and entertainment, the more I realize that the most important thing people are lacking is education.

It really interests me how lots of industries make their money off of people not knowing. The music industry used to be such industry but as times change, it is becoming more and more apparent that educating people really can make things more profitable.

Consider this, if more people knew about real estate and the most appropriate way to go about purchasing and refinancing a house, maybe the real estate market would be better off because the foreclosure rate would be lower. What about the banking industry? Don't you think that banks might make more interest or fee income off of more saavy consumers? Because although overdraft fees are $32 to $35 for most banks, that fee often comes with a price to the bank in the end because the customer doesn't have any money in their account. We all know that the customers with the highest balances get the best treatment so why not educate people to get and keep those balances high?

The same goes for the music industry. Although there are record label execs who've made huge profits off of artists not having enough knowledge, I'm sure those companies could stand to make a bigger more long term profit off of artists who actually understand the business of music. With this in mind I am working on a couple of projects that will help to actually empower the artists and give them basic knowledge so that they can move confidentally into their business dealings.

Knowledge is power but using that knowledge to further positive action is more powerful.

new artist to watch-Lily Allen!!

I'm an ecletic person. When it comes to music, I will play anything from Danity Kane to Jay-Z within one car trip. I can truly say that I like all types of music. If it appeals to my senses, I will listen to it and sing along if I learn the words.

Well the other day I was watching videos getting caught up on what's new and considered hot by BET, VH1 and MTV's standards and I saw a video by this new artist, Lily Allen. I've been hearing her song on the radio for a while now and I like it because it's catchy and cute but after seeing the video, I'm sold on it.

I love how her video was so unapologetic about things that I'm sure many women want to do after a breakup but don't have the guts to do. The funny thing is that I read about her in Jane Magazine and that made me pay more attention to her as well. Jane Magazine is often unapologetic about covering all aspects of women's thoughts and lives so them writing an article about Lily Allen definitely gave her some "street cred" in my eyes.

I encourage women to check her out. People are so afraid to be completely honest about how they feel and want to react to things. This song is just one small example of how refreshing it is to own your feelings even if they may not be the most user friendly to others.

Go Lily Allen!!

Frustration

I have been working really hard to build my client list. I've had several opportunities presented to me and many of them have not panned out. It's hard to work with people who may or may not truly understand how business works especially if my sole role is to publicize or promote their product or service. I guess since I also do business consulting and run my own business, I have some knowledge about running and setting up a business. It sometimes bothers me to see someone with an awesome idea and concept that can be quite profitable let it get away because of lack of humility or lack of experience.

Creating a company can be a humbling learning experience that teaches you patience and perseverance all at the same time. Everyone isn't supposed to be a business owner. Some people are great at providing the ideas and others are great at executing those ideas. There are even fewer people who are great at providing and executing ideas.

When I tell people that I have my own company, they look at me all impressed. They tend to think it's cool that I work for myself but what they don't know is that I work almost around the clock. I hardly ever get time off and I am always on call but I also have to fully understand my strengths and weaknesses.

That's what has me so frustrated dealing with some people. They refuse to accept where they are weak and allow someone else to assist. No one man is an island. No one woman can do it all. Understanding that one fact is essential. Before you even make the move to figure out what you want to name your company, you need to understand that.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I'm sure there will be plenty of blogs about today. Some people will blog about love lost. Others will blog about the commercialization of the day and then some people will blog about how they hate this day.

I'm really indifferent to it one way or the other. I can remember only a couple of times that I actually had a Valentine on V-day (and two of those times were when I was in elementary school). Any other time I've been single. Sometimes woefully single other times powerfully single.

This year I'm just single. Now don't get me wrong. I am a romantic at heart and it would be sweet and lovely if the person who had my heart would take the time out to do something extra special today but alas he does not believe in the holiday and I am left to presume that my desires are not pressing enough to make him step outside of himself. I suppose that's why I'm still single...Oh well different discussion, different day.

All in all, I just want to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day. Make this and every other day as special as it can be for you. I know I will be enjoying my bottle of cheap, yet tasty bubbly tonight.

Impressions

It always amazes me how people perceive things. One major moment in the life of one person can be yet another daily occurence in another person's.

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and he made a reference to another individual that he'd had a run in with while in college (5+ years ago) and he mentioned not liking that person. Well time had come where he was going to have to interact with this person again and he was dreading it. Funny thing, he met up with the person and their interaction was cool. In fact, the other person didn't even seem to remember the incident.

It's crazy how we as people make things in life much more than they should be or need to be. I met a good friend of someone I'm close to and she said something that I keep in mind often. She said "Don't take things so personal." Now when she said it at the time I didn't fully get it but as time passed, I started to get it more and more. What she basically meant was "It's not always about you."

I agree.

If you think about it, people are so self absorbed that most of the time they're so busy thinking about themselves that they didn't even notice what you did. Or if they did notice, they won't necessarily remember it unless it had some major impact on them. I think we would all breathe easier if we remembered that. "It's not always about you."

Interesting concept.

Can a girl get a break?

Goodness...it truly is hard out there for a pimp...

Late last year I decided that I wanted to focus more on my public relations skills and bringing in more PR clients. I'm very choosy about who I work with, especially as I make a name for myself as someone who does PR in the entertainment (music) industry. I enjoy working with people who deserve publicity and promotion and helping them get it. I don't mind working hard and I'm confident in my skillset as a PR person but it's hard to get clients.

I've reached out to people who have said that they need PR work but I get no response. It can be frustrating at times. Now I can admit that I am working on a major project that will definitely pan out financially if we can get all of the necessary components working. (Stay tuned for that one...) but I want to work with at least two other clients to solidify my client goals.

Keep your fingers crossed for me as I keep pushing forward. This is yet another thing that is teaching me the patience that I understand is necessary for growth.

Now on a personal note, I am not doing so well in that department. I am so delighted that I was able to enjoy the experience of being truly in love and while things haven't panned out as I had hoped, I still have a special place in my heart for him. He is dealing with some major stress right now and some people aren't the easiest to be close to when they're stressed out. I understand that but it is hurtful at times when he acts out due to stress so I just work to be understanding and step away from things when I feel like I'm starting to react negatively.

Goodness this patience thing covers all relationships, business and personal. Boy the life lessons never stop!

The cost of doing business

When I initially decided that entrepreneurship was the best route for me to go I knew that it would take some time before I was financially stable and able to work solely on my business endeavors without having to maintain a "real job" . With that in mind I began to work on creating a name for myself as a public relations person and manager so that I could drum up business as a consultant. I work hard, really hard. I have a part time "real job" that helps pay my bills and gives me health, dental and vision insurance and when I'm not there I'm working hard at building my client base as a consultant.

I always figured I would come across fakers and other people who weren't in a good place to handle good business but I never thought that I would work with or attempt to work with people who would go as far as to sign contracts and put things in place only to let the business lapse. I suppose I was naive when I figured that filling out paperwork and agreements was enough to ensure that a person would at least attempt to handle business.

I was wrong. I guess I gave people too much credit but I've found that becoming angry and jaded isn't the answer either. I will just work on maintaining my optimism and finding positive people to work with. People who honor their commitments and stand by their word because it's important to them. I still see the glass as half full.

Live your life...don't let your life live you

Happy New Year!!!

I know that its been sometime since I blogged. Life has been quite busy. I finally got the chance to go to New York for a few days. I really enjoyed being there and exploring the city. I met some cool new people and got a chance to reconnect with someone from my past. I am convinced that I need to be up there right now. I'm working on it and there will definitely be some interesting blogs about my adventures or mis-adventures.

With all of my time being spent offline and dealing with people, I noticed a disturbing trend. Many people allow themselves to become victims of their own lives and situations. I have had conversations with friends and family members who would complain about things in their lives but when I asked them if they have tried to change the situation I get lots of excuses about why they can't. It amazes me because if I ever have a problem with my situation I make moves to change it. If I can't change anything but my role in it, I will do that.

I just wish that more people would take an active role in their own destinies. Yes there are those that believe that no matter what we say, our destiny is fated, however I believe that we do have control over the path we take to get there. You know life is not always about the destination. It's often about the journey. (I totally stole that from somewhere and made it my own.)

New experiences...

I have always had an interest in modeling. When I was younger, I wanted to be a runway model but when I was still 5’4 as a junior in high school, I resigned myself to pursuing other interests since I am well aware that runway models need to be at least 5’9. When I went away to college, I still had an interest in modeling but more print work than runway so I joined two modeling troupes. While in the first one, JADIS, I did a photo shoot and a fashion show where I modeled lingerie and a swimsuit. It was an interesting experience that I ultimately enjoyed. While modeling with this troupe, I was told one day that I was too cute to be sexy so I resigned myself to being a cute model with “body” as one member put it.

That troupe disbanded due to administrative issues later that year so I decided to join a new troupe that was founded by some friends of mine called FACES Modeling Troupe. I did a photo shoot and a couple of fashion shows with that troupe and I learned how to walk and turn better. It was a cool experience and I carried it with me even after graduating.

Well last weekend, I did a photo shoot for the first time in almost 8 years. It was weird because I was very apprehensive being in front of the camera on the spot like that. For some reason I couldn’t get out of my head enough to enjoy something that I really enjoyed while in college. After the shoot, I thought about it and realized some other things that I could have done differently. I also spoke with someone who has also done modeling and looked at some models that look a bit more like me (not a size 2-4) and I was impressed. I was also a little excited because I feel like I can do it too. So now I want to do it again. The photographer asked me if I would be comfortable modeling in lingerie or nude. I think I can do lingerie, I may need some building before I can do nude.

It’s quite exciting trying something that will take me completely outside of my comfort zone. I’ve always been the one to play the background in things and this will allow me to play the front. Now this doesn’t mean that I want to abandon all of my current career goals to pursue a modeling career but it does mean that something I’ve always been interested in doing has become something that I can actually do. Nice.

Letting Go...

I was talking to a good friend of mine and we were discussing our lives. She was seeing this one guy for a while and fairly recently she decided that it was time to walk away. She is also in the process of determining what career path will be best for her. We started talking about how we both have made decisions that involved walking away from a "comfortable situation" to pursue something we felt was best in our hearts. She made a statement about life being about having the ability to let go.

That statement struck a chord with me and I realized that letting go can sometimes be the hardest and most liberating thing a person can do. Most of the time we think about letting go and how it relates to romantic relationships and while that can be quite hard, there are some other areas where it can be harder.

One area in particular is in the job/career area. From the time we can remember, we are told that our life path should include leaving high school, going to college and finding the job that will take us into retirement. A lot of people do take that path and some of them are happy doing it. But there are others who don't find comfort in that path. I consider myself a person who took that path but with a planned detour after college. I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur so I sought out jobs that would train me for that inevitable fate.

Recently I decided to let go of my entrepreneurial ideals and take a part time job with a bank. At first I was hesitant but now that I've been in the job for a few weeks, I feel like it was a great thing to do. Now that I'm working in banking, I am gaining a skill that will always be beneficial. I have to be very detail-oriented and organized. I also have to deal with different types of people on a daily basis. All of those skills are very useful when working in entertainment. One of my biggest career goals is to have my own production company and produce films. I have already gotten the MBA (which I have heard is what a lot of producers have) so now I'm getting other skills that will help me in that role. I also decided that I can put that goal further off into the future while I continue to develop my professional and personal skills. Boy, being a grown-up is HARD!

Letting go...

It's the hardest and most liberating thing to do.

Remembering is important-Sept. 11 2001

Well I really hadn't thought about writing anything today until I was browsing my myspace page and saw something that had been written by a lady that I haven't known long but I have grown to like and respect her professionally and as a person. Now although I didn't read her blog (and I probably won't), I did decide to write something here that will explain my slight indifference towards today.

See although I was born in Chicago and raised in Atlanta, I really haven't travelled as much as I would have liked during my lifetime. A city girl at heart, I've managed to stay pretty rooted to the Atlanta landscape until I found a way out...college. After escaping to college in Florida and discovering that there were indeed people who had totally different cultural experiences than me, my appetite was stirred and hasn't lightened up since.

One of my first truly career-related jobs was a gig that I landed toward the end of 2001. I was working as an Assistant Event Coordinator with Elise Communications. The cool thing about my job was that our client was Levi's and my boss was coordinating the Levi's Self-Engineered Tour. Levi's had just come out with a new type of more dressy jean called the Self-Engineered line and we were putting together a concert tour that would expose the Self-Engineered jeans to the urban market.

It was great. I was going to be traveling with the tour as the Assistant Event Coordinator. The line-up of cities was awesome. We would be hitting New York, Washington, DC, San Francisco and Atlanta. I was elated.

Well our first show was scheduled for Tuesday, September 11, 2001 in New York City at BBQ's in Times Square. We flew up a couple of days before to get everything ready for the artists and other personalities that would be participating in the tour. I instantly loved New York but I definitely felt like a fish out of water. It was ok because everyone I was with was really nice and helpful.

I can still remember it. I was getting dressed for the day. Me and the stylist for the show were about to run an errand to pick up some clothes for some of the artists to perform that night. I was watching my typical morning show, Good Morning America. I was in the bathroom doing my hair when I heard Charlie and Diane make a remark about an explosion at the World Trade Center. They were very confused as to what had happened. Then the report switched to the regular newscast. By this time, I was sitting on my bed eyes glued to the screen. The anchors on the ABC affiliate in New York at that time were talking about what had happened and someone called in. Once the first explosion had occured at the World Trade Center, there were cameras honed in on the towers and the second plane had been videotaped going into the second tower. There was a feeling of disbelief as the anchors played back the footage and saw that a plane had indeed crashed into the tower. That's when the calls started coming in more and more. People who lived near the towers had been going about their morning routines and had seen the plans fly past their windows, way too low to the ground. That's when all hell broke loose.

Fortunately I was able to reach my mom before the phones got really tied up and she knew that I was ok but that was one of the loneliest times in my life. Here I was in this strange, new city with no family and virtual strangers. I had one high school friend who was in the area, but I couldn't reach him because of the phone issue. I knew that my location in Times Square didn't put me in immediate danger with the towers but no one really knew what the hell was going on. I went outside later and Times Square was quiet as everyone looked up at the big TV screen.

I was very fortunate because I didn't lose anyone close to me and I was able to get back home to Atlanta (we got out that Thursday) safely but that day really stuck with me. I have a bad habit of holding things in and not addressing them and to this day I couldn't tell you how I feel about that day. I never really dealt with it because I didn't know how. I had a first hand account of one of our countries biggest disasters of my time. This kind of stuff only happened on TV shows and overseas, not here. I still haven't processed it, which is why I don't watch the ceremonies or read things that other people have written about it. I'm working on it though. I suppose I may need to go see someone to really deal with everything but I haven't as of yet. I guess my first step is in acknowledging that I haven't dealt with it.

My heart, prayers and good wishes still go out to anyone who lost someone in that horrible tragedy. It was a lot of unecessary heartache and loss that only served as a launchpad for this war of atrition in Iraq, which has led to additional heartache and loss.

Thanks for letting me share.

Beyonce's Bday

Well ladies and gents, I have a not-so-secret secret. I am a fan of Beyonce. I've always been a fan of hers and Destiny's Child. I was glued to the screen when the group split up and then decided to replace the two fallen members. I watched that "Say My Name" video to see who the two new chicks were. I paid close attention to Michelle as she became a true member of the group once the other girl, Farrah dropped off. And yes, I know all of their names. Now that Beyonce has stepped out on her own, I remain a fan of hers as well. I was truly disappointed in the showing that Kelly and Michelle made with their own solo albums but it tickles me to see Kelly doing her acting thang so I will support her through the cinema.

Well I say all of this to say that I went out and bought Beyonce's sophomore album, Bday today. I was driving around running some errands and I remembered that today was Sept 5 and Beyonce's much awaited album would be in stores so I headed straight for the nearest Best Buy and picked it up. I must say that I was pleasantly surprised. I expected it to be a good album because I've heard a few songs from it but the whole thing was good. It was a bit short though but the 10 tracks on it are definitely ear candy. I would tell anyone to go out and pick it up. She has definitely grown up and improved on her craft. It's great to see an artist like Beyonce come out and grow and change for the better, all in the public eye.

So go out and cop Beyonce's new album. You won't be disappointed!

One of the best concerts ever!

Well I went to the Mary J. Blige concert last night at Hi Fi Buys Amphitheater here in Atlanta. I must say...it was one of the best concerts I've seen ever!

I've been a Mary fan for years (it took me some time to get into her fan club but now I'm securely rooted in it) and I've never had the opportunity to make it to one of her concerts. Now I did have the great honor of seeing her and Jay-Z perform "Can't Knock the Hustle" during his Jay-Z and friends concert that was supposed to be the Jay-Z and R. Kelly concert. (I really hope I got the song name right. I suck at remembering song names). That was a GREAT performance and I love that song but it was still a very small dose of Mary. It has been really cool watching her grow and change over the years.

Last night's concert was like Mary full circle for me. Plus it was something that I really needed. It has been a long summer for me and I haven't been able to travel and really explore like I would have liked to but all of that was released last night. Mary took us all to church! She is definitely the voice of the people. Her ability to speak to her pain, triumphs, courage and faith is unbelieveable. She sounded wonderful and looked fab-u-lous!

I was transported out of my body as I swayed, sang and even teared up during the show. That was truly one of the first concerts I've ever attended where I was truly enveloped in the music. It truly led me back around to the reason why music has played such a major part in my life. Plus, Mary's music has been a big part of the back drop of my life. She sang all of my favorites plus some of my other not-so-favorite favorites. By the end of the night, I was on true sensory overload. As someone who is pretty laid back, that doesn't happen to me very often and it was a wonderful experience!

I don't know where Mary may be headed next on her tour but I would highly recommend that show to ANYONE. If you aren't a true Mary fan, you will be.

I give up...sorta

Well I did it. I gave in to the "man" and got a "real" job. I now work part time for SunTrust Bank. Mind you, this is a part time gig so I can still work on building my client base in public relations and working with my current clients on the management/business consulting side. But, this new part time gig serves a few purposes.

1. It gets my mom off of my back. She can stop making sideways comments about me not working and I get out of the house every day.
2. I get benefits. Benefits for an individual are quite expensive and it really helps to be able to defer that cost. Granted, my benefits don't become active until I've been with the company for four months, but I'm ok with that. At least I can look forward to having decent insurance coverage.
3. I get stability. Although this is a part time gig, I will be making a steady (albeit not that large) paycheck twice a month. As a Taurus who needs stability, this is just what I need to get my mind off of some of my stability woes and onto making myself the millionaire I am destined to become.

With all of those things said, it was the hardest thing in the world to actually take the job but I feel a lot more proactive doing so. Now I can really push for building. I just got a new client that proves to give me a lot more leverage in the Atlanta market, which is an excellent gateway to other markets (like New York for example). I also have another potentially huge client that's on deck so keep your fingers crossed for me. If all things go well, I am poised to be in a great position by the end of this year.

I'm very excited at this new possibility before me. I'm hoping that I will be able to start traveling between Atlanta and New York on a regular basis really soon. I've decided that it doesn't make sense to move to New York until I can fully support myself in the fabulous lifestyle that I strive to ultimately achieve.

Time marches on

Today I was talking to one of my close friends and she mentioned a statistic that she'd seen somewhere. Apparently once a woman reaches the age of 27, her eggs begin to lose their freshness or something like that. Now before I wrote this, I did a little digging to see if I could find some kind of medical validation to that little factoid but to no avail. Mind you, I only took maybe 10 minutes to actually research it but in that short time frame, I didn't find anything to substantiate this factoid. That doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, I just couldn't find anything.

However, my research did show me that women are born with a set amount of eggs and as time passes, that number dwindles steadily. This fact did not make things any better. Regardless of how you look at it, women are working against a clock when it comes to the desire to be a mother. Add on to that the fact that as a woman ages, it becomes more and more risky for her to carry a baby to term, I can't help but have some empathy for those women on a mission.

Physiologically it is most advantageous for women and men to procreate while we are in our mid to late 20's because that's when we are physically best able to care for a child. The funny part comes when you consider the psycological and financial ramifications of doing that. Most people that I know who are still in their 20s are not psycologically able to fathom the thought of caring for another human being that's totally dependent on them. True enough plenty of those people have already taken the plunge but I often hear horror stories of demanding schedules and no longer having a life. It just makes me want to run out and make my own baby! (sarcasm, folks)

Then there are the finances. I personally am still working on getting myself to a place where I feel totally comfortable financially. By comfortable, I mean being able to maintain a certain type of lifestyle and allow myself indulgences like travel and the occasional extravagent purchase from time to time. Many of my peers aren't at that comfortable place on their own so I can only imagine if they had kids, who can really reduce that margin of comfort if it isn't really plush. Now I'm not talking bad about those people who do decide to procreate and make little ones because being a parent is one of the hardest and most rewarding things in the world but maybe we should do more to prepare ourselves for parenthood.

As a woman in her late 20s, I am constantly being bombarded with questions about why I haven't "settled down to start a family". And now there are medical facts out there to further substantiate the questioning. I refuse to give in to the pressure. Aside from the fact that I refuse to just settle for any man and become a veritable breeder of little humans, I am by no means ready to take on that responsibility. I shouldn't be judged because I'm not ready either. Besides since my eggs are in such short supply, I should really be selective about who I decide to let sperminate them. My eggs are a precious commodity and should be handled with care with no outside influence.

When do you give up?

I tend to make it a point to surround myself with people that are sincere and real within their own skin. I think that everyone should focus on surrounding themselves by people who are supportive and genuinely care about their personal well being. I don't believe in letting people into my personal space that only seek to take and not give back. I call those people vampires. I may do a blog about that at a later time so I won't digress here.

Well over time I have worked to surround myself with people who fill me up with positivity just as much as I seek to do the same for them. Now in doing this, I tend to be really slow to let new people into my life fully. It typically takes a while before I allow someone to be close to me, especially intimately. I am a fiercely loyal person, a truly Taurean trait. When I decide that someone can be close to me, I will always have their back. Sometimes my mom says that I can be loyal to a fault and I suppose there is some truth to that.

As I have gotten older and more in tune to my own personal intuition, I am even more fiercely loyal, especially when I am drawn to someone in spite of myself (sometimes). If something tells me that this person is worth the extra effort, I have no problem putting it forth.

Right now I have someone in my life that I believe is worth the effort but in spite of all of my sincere efforts, I can't seem to properly convey that loyalty to this person. I have been a fierce supporter and loyal friend to this person but he constantly questions me at every step. I have never asked him for anything but his ability to allow himself to trust me. Now, I realize that trust comes in time, which is why I am understanding about his desire to question me at times. However, I am starting to grow weary of trying to show him that he can trust me and trust in me. I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever come to pass.

I like to believe that patience is an important virtue in life and I know that in strength lies the ability to be patient but sometimes I worry about this situation. Sometimes I get so frustrated with trying to do what my heart tells me that I wonder if it will ever end. I am waiting to see if something will tell me to walk away but it hasn't in spite of his apparent inability to see my sincerity.

I guess since I made it a point to listen more closely to my inner voice, I will continue to do what I've been doing and wait to see how things will ultimately turn out.